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Posts Tagged ‘teenagers’

The Eighth Grade semi-formal dance is taking place at Noah’s school on Friday evening. Over the past few weeks I’ve observed him nonchalantly preparing for the dance  — discreetly (yet meticulously) planning so that he can put his best dancing foot forward for this fabulous middle school gala. He’s been pretending he’s not excited for the event but because I’m his keen-eyed, ultra sensitive mom (with top secret super hero powers) I can tell that he really is.

I think Noah’s mental planning for the event has gone something like this:


Pre-Dance Checklist for an Eighth Grade Boy

Haircut must be “sick” enough for longboarding while also being snazzy enough  for  the  middle school dance. A “faux  hawk” will work out nicely. And no…the  price of  a new haircut doesn’t matter cause Mom is paying for it anyway. 

Have mom buy a new vat of coconut-scented hair pomade for the occasion, even though the old one is still half full. 

New Shirt. Nothing too fancy. A reasonably-priced button down is fine especially since it will most likely hang in a dark closet  rotting after the dance, never to be worn again. 

Dress pants? No. Black jeans. Yes. (even though Mom was the one who picked them out). Pants should hang strategically below the beltline so plaid Fruit of the Looms are visible. Ignore Mom’s command to pull my pants up. 

Shave pesky fuzz off upper lip.

Practice dance moves when no one is looking. *

Feign deafness when Mom says you can have friends over before the dance for “snacks” and “refreshments.” Mom serving food to you and your friends would be mortifying. Better to go hungry and thirsty then let others know she actually exists.  She’s embarrassing.

Be prepared to hide if a camera appears prior to the dance. There should be no record of the occasion.  Period.

*There was no proof that this event actually occurred but I’m suspicious…

If I can be sneaky with the camera, I promise I’ll share a picture or two of the event. Getting photos may require donning a disguise or discreetly trailing him on the dance floor but I’ll do my best.

Wish me luck…

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