I’m finally catching up to the rest of the world and have figured out my New Year’s resolution for 2012. I know…ridiculous that it’s almost April and it took this long to pin it down.  And if I hadn’t been in denial about my (extremely) less-than-fabulous figure, I would have probably gotten on this thing a lot sooner. The problem is that somewhere deep in my brain, I still think I’m 22 years old and have the ability to eat and drink whatever I want without gaining an ounce.

Believe it or not, up until a year or two ago, that was pretty much the case. I could down a family-size bag of kettle chips and a king size candy bar without gaining as much as gram or two.  And if I did gain a couple ounces, I’d tweak my snack intake, walk to the mailbox a few extra times, and within a couple weeks the extra weight would slide off.

My friends kept warning me: “Watch out! After you turn 40, all of this will change.” And it did. But because I refused to believe my evil bathroom scale (and because of my love for powdered sugar donuts, snickerdoodles, and Heath Bars), I closed my eyes to my ever-expanding waistline and continued to feast.

For a while, I tried to talk myself into believing that there are real benefits to my newly acquired muffin top physique.

  • Along with my car’s airbags and seat belt, my newly expanded gut will help protect me in case of an accident.
  • My new gut also doubles as a TV tray. My Danish rolls and lattes balance nicely on my muffin top while I kick back on the sofa to watch “Seinfeld’ or “Dance Moms.”
  • A few pieces of strategically-placed duct tape along the muffin top line allows me to create an excellent lumbar pillow out of myself.
  • No need for a life jacket while out on the lake boating! The few extra rolls around my middle will serve as an excellent flotation device.
  • It will be a lot easier to land my dream job of mall Santa next holiday season.

I almost had myself convinced that my new shape could provide me with an extra level of safety and comfort….until I recently tried pulling on a few different pairs of  my favorite jeans. The task had become not only uncomfortable, it was downright hazardous because it was evident that I was in danger of becoming an amputee. My pants were so tight, they were cutting off circulation to my lower extremities.

Therefore,  my belated New Year’s resolution for 2012 is to shed a few pounds.  So for the last few weeks I’ve been torturing myself with exercise a 4-5 days a week and I’ve also cut out pastries, donuts, chocolate (with the exception of the 10 Cadbury Mini Eggs I ate today after a stop at the grocery store), cookies, cheese, and other delicious high-calorie favorites. And so far, I’ve lost a whopping 3 pounds (sometimes it’s 4-5 pounds if I can find just the right spot to place the scale on our uneven bathroom floor). Whoooppeee. I’m almost able to wedge myself into my jeans again without having to dial 911.

Now that I’ve altered my diet and have started to exercise, I think I need to boost my metabolism,  don’t you think? It should would make this quest a lot easier. I’ve heard rumors that almonds, grapefruit, and green tea can help with this. But I would love feedback from my viewing audience. Has anything worked for you? Any foods that you simply “can’t live without” while watching your diet?  Please . Help Me. I’m in danger of becoming an air bag.

And by the way, Happy New Year!

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10 Responses to “My New Year’s Resolution – in April”

  • Jean says:

    You are so funny! Better keep a life jacket on hand when near open water…what you’re carrying around your waist will NOT provide any extra-added flotation! But heck, I guess everybody can stand to shed a few pounds and increase their exercise output.

    Ah yes, the New Year’s diet plan…time for me to get back to mine. I find my biggest culprit is carbs…the thing I love the most is carbs…the thing I miss the most when dieting is – you guessed it – carbs. I have pretty much managed to avoid the sweets but it’s the breads that are my downfall…then pizza…and pasta…oh, and potatoes…

  • I guess that pastries are carbs, aren’t they? So, I’m in the same boat as you except my vice is just sweeter — covered with frosting, nuts, and lots of butter. Mmmmm… Now all I can think about is a batch of warm carmel rolls. THANKS JEAN! YOU’RE A BIG HELP HERE!

  • Good luck!!! I’ve spent the last few weeks OFF my diet…I think of it as a vacation. I’ve only gained 3 of the 15lbs I lost back. I’m restarting cycle 1 of the 17 day diet on Monday. Fun times ahead. This time, I will be dancing like a loon in my living room in place of walking on a treadmill to exercise. I’m sure you’ll hear more about that later.

  • Kim says:

    I got scared silly the other day when bathing suit shopping!! Big wake up call that all is not as it used to be, especially being white and flabby and cellulite all over! Boo! Anyway, the proper diet/exercise thing go hand in hand so don’t reward a good workout with a candy bar or shake, it just backfires. I do sip green tea and eat almonds and increasing lean protein seems to help when I need to drop some weight. Still working on it though.

  • Trooppetrie says:

    i am not announcing it on my blog but i have decided to try to lose weight. I have lost 14 pounds this month. I keep reminding myself it will only be harder as i get older

    • Diane says:

      14 pounds?!! That’s awesome! I’ll bet you’re feeling pretty good, too! When I can drop even a couple of pounds I feel better. I’m also “checking in” with friends to stay accountable to the exercising commitment. Keep up the fantastic work! :)

  • Keitha says:

    I recently came across blog.shareitfitness.com. I started their summer shred six week program. They have a lot of exercise programs. For me, working out Is so much easier when I have a definite plan. Good luck to you in your fitness journey.

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